What to Do When Kids Talk Back: 8 Tips for Parents

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If you’re sick and drained of yelling at your kids and dishing out time outs in response to poor behavior, this post is for you! Disciplining toddlers, kids in elementary schools, tweens, and teenagers isn’t easy, however these behavior administration methods can help. If you want to know what to do when kids talk back, we’re sharing eight positive parenting tips and techniques that don’t contain yelling, times outs, or consequences. Best of all? They work!

Why Do Kids Talk Back?

Pushing limits and testing boundaries is a regular a half of a child’s development, however when you’re seeing a sudden increase in poor behaviors and your child is pushing again on you extra often than not, one thing deeper could be going on. Sleep deprivation, sickness, and starvation are common causes of poor behavior, however your child could even be acting out due to feelings of anger, frustration, worry, and/or anxiety about one thing that’s happening both at school or at home. Your child may even be feeling insecure in his or her relationship with you, and acting out as a way of gaining your attention.

Keep studying for tips on how to determine the true reason behind your child’s behaviors, and the way to repair them.

What to Do When Kids Talk Back

1. Get to the root of the problem
One of the best parenting tips I’ve learned over the years is to always look beneath the floor when it involves determining the motivation behind a child’s behavior. I often talk about The Iceberg Model, which means that the difficult behaviors we see in our children are solely the ‘tip’ of a a lot bigger iceberg. And since solely about 10% of an iceberg is seen to the bare eye, The Iceberg Model theorizes that the drivers behind our child’s behaviors live beneath the surface, and that we should discover a way to see and perceive these drivers earlier than change can occur.

This is clearly simpler said than done, particularly when feelings are excessive and your child is copping an attitude. The solutions won’t always be easy so that you can see, however when your child is frequently speaking back, take a whereas to reflect, think outside the box, and track the occasions that happen earlier than and after your child lashes out at you.

Sometimes a simple, calm dialog with your child can open the door and assist you perceive what’s actually going on. Acknowledge your child’s ideas and feelings with out judgement (‘you appeared actually angry when we were speaking earlier…’) and offer a listening ear. You could even be surprised at what your child will share with you when you approach her or him with empathy and understanding rather than anger and frustration.

2. Develop ‘house rules’
Another useful tip for these that want to know what to do when kids talk again is to develop a set of ‘house rules’ that clearly define what’s anticipated of your child, and to enforce logical consequences when these guidelines aren’t followed. The simpler the guidelines are, and the extra consistently you reinforce them, the simpler it’s for your kids to meet your expectations. Visual schedules are a nice tool to make use of for youthful kids and/or these that require extra prompting all through the day.

3. Prioritize one-on-one time
Another one of my favourite parenting tricks to ward off bad behavior is to make sure you’re spending some good ‘ole excessive quality time with every of your kids every day. Keep in thoughts that I’m not referring to issues like watching TV, going to the grocery store, or spending time with different households on the park. I’m speaking about proper, distraction-free, one-on-one time. I was first given this recommendation when my daughter entered the Terrible Twos, and it’s taught me to consider how a lot solid one-on-one time we’re spending collectively each time I noticed her engaging in poor behavior.

Keep in thoughts that spending excessive quality time collectively doesn’t want to be an olympic occasion the place you attempt to recreate crafts you see on Pinterest – it simply should be deliberate and intentional. Turn off your computer and put your smartphone away and provides your child your undivided attention. Play a game, learn a book, exit for ice cream, or merely sit and talk for 20 minutes.

Last year I hung a daily chalkboard similar to this one in my daughter’s room, and every Sunday we sit down for five or 10 minutes and brainstorm small actions we can do collectively after school every day. I discover writing it down gives us extra accountability whereas additionally giving us one thing to look ahead to every morning whereas preparing for school. Give it a try!

4. Consider your child’s ideas and feelings
If you’re attempting to determine what to do when kids talk back,  put apart a whereas when everybody has calmed down to consider the situation out of your child’s perspective. Think again to the issues you were asking of him or her, how they responded, after which do a intestine check. How would you have felt if you were on the receiving finish of your requests and demands? Were you barking orders and nagging your child? Did you fixate on one thing unimportant simply because your child was pushing your buttons? Be very honest with your self and consider how one can change your approach subsequent time. And if you really feel the situation had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your child, dig deep and assess if one thing else may have been inflicting their behavior, like lack of sleep, hunger, an illness, hormones, anxiety, etc.

5. Give your child extra control
As talked about earlier, children begin to check their boundaries as they develop and develop, which often brings about behaviors we’re not used to as parents, collectively with again talk. A nice way to keep away from that’s to proactively allow your child greater administration over his or her life. For youthful kids, this could even be so easy as providing choices (carrots or peas? denims or a dress? bath earlier than or after dinner?), however for older kids, you may want to loosen your grip a little bit and offer them extra freedom. This can appear scary at first, however when you set clear guidelines and expectations and keep the lines of communication open, you’ll likely enhance your relationship with your child. If you’re unsure how a lot freedom to permit your child, attain out to the parents of a few of his or her friends to get a way of what they do/do not allow.

6. Offer a do-over
Another nice tip for parents who want to know what to do when kids talk again is to think carefully earlier than you speak. It can be so difficult to not react in anger when our little ones lash out at us, however attempt to recollect that yelling can actually negatively reinforce your child’s behavior if they’re seeking your attention. A nice tip I recently learned was to pause, take a deep breath, acknowledge my daughter’s response (‘I can inform you’re upset’ or ‘you appear very angry’), after which ask her if she felt her response was appropriate for the situation earlier than providing her an opportunity for a ‘do-over’. I discover this gives her an opportunity to express her ideas and feelings whereas permitting me to fully clarify my request, and when we begin over, we each really feel heard and are available to a compromise rather than permitting our feelings to get the higher of us.

7. Use positive reinforcement
Reinforcement is an efficient technique parents can use to encourage the behaviors they want to see of their kids.

  • Positive reinforcement involves rewarding a child with one thing nice as a technique of reinforcing a particular behavior. For example, if a child completes his or her chores, she or he may earn additional time on the iPad as a reward.
  • Negative reinforcement happens when one thing undesirable is eliminated as a means to reinforce a sure behavior. For example, a child may full his or her chores in response to his or her parents complaining. Once the chores are complete, the complaining stops, which negatively reinforces the child’s behavior and encourages them to do it again.

Many people confuse negative reinforcement with punishment, however the two are very different. With negative reinforcement, one thing is taken away in an effort to encourage a particular behavior, whereas punishment involves taking one thing away to decrease/weaken behavior.

While each types of reinforcement can positively affect a child’s behavior, analysis tends to suggest that positive reinforcement is the most effective. This can come within the type of praise, otherwise you can take it a step additional and develop a sticker chart to make issues extra motivating for your child. This post contains a list of all sorts of fabulous reward charts you can use to positively reinforce your child’s behaviors. The level is to focus on the good behaviors rather than dwelling on the bad so that you are making a positive environment for your child, and inspiring her or him to make good choices.

8. Know when to do nothing
My final tip for these that want to know what to do when kids talk again is sort of a continuation on the purpose above: know when to do nothing. While it could even be difficult to not react when your child is giving you an attitude, it’s important to consider the impact your response will have. While yelling, enforcing time outs, grounding, and/or taking privileges away could even be effective, ask your self if these reactions are aligned with the kind of parent you want to be. Do you want to perpetuate the negative cycle of feelings and behaviors that are threatening to take over your household, or is it higher to disregard your child’s negative behavior and discover methods to name out his or her positive behaviors sooner or later instead?

If you’re attempting to determine what to do when kids talk back, I hope these positive parenting tips encourage you! Remember to dig deep and get to the root of the issue first, to prioritize excessive quality time with your child, to consider your little one’s ideas and feelings, allow extra control, and use positive reinforcement wherever possible!


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