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Parenting Tweens: 12 Tips to Avoid Power Struggles

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Parenting tweens can be an actual rollercoaster for parents. This is a time when kids begin to push boundaries and test their limits as they attempt to ‘fit in’ with their peers. The preteen years additionally bring physique changes and emotional ups and downs thanks to hormonal fluctuations, which can be each complicated and embarrassing for children. While tweens want to become extra independent, they nonetheless want guidance and support from their parents, which often outcomes in undesirable energy struggles and emotional outbursts.

If you want to know how to keep away from energy struggles whereas parenting tweens, these tips and ideas will help!

How to Avoid Power Struggles While Parenting Tweens

If you want to create a positive home environment, developing and enforcing a set of ‘house rules’ could make a world of difference. While it’s regular for tweens to try and push limits and boundaries, taking the time to stipulate which behaviors you’ll and won’t settle for will guarantee your family runs smoothly, permitting you and your kids to enjoy your time collectively rather than engaging in pointless energy struggles.

As parents, we often hear about the significance of being constant and following through with consequences, however it could additionally be so difficult to do inside the warmth of the second – particularly when it involves parenting tweens! Just remember that if you don’t follow through, your child won’t take you seriously, learn accountability, or determine out the distinction between proper and wrong. So dig your heels in and stand your floor no matter how hard it feels.

When it involves parenting tweens, reinforcement is a fabulous technique to make use of to encourage the behaviors you want to see in your child. Research means that positive reinforcement – the act of rewarding a child when she or he completes a desired behavior as a technique of accelerating the likelihood she or he will repeat the behavior as quickly as extra – is the most effective. Many parents use sticker charts as a means to positively reinforce behaviors in youthful kids, however when you’re parenting tweens, you want one thing a little extra age appropriate. Positive reinforcement for tweens could be so easy as providing a hug, permitting extra screen time, granting additional car privileges, increasing their curfew, etc.

Another easy way to keep away from energy struggles whereas parenting tweens is to make use of penalties rather than punishment as a way to affect your child’s behavior.

Punishment is aimed at making a child suffer in retaliation for inappropriate behavior.
Consequences offer an alternative for children to learn from their mistakes.

While this may sound easy in theory, many parents don’t use penalties correctly – they don’t implement them quickly enough, the consequence doesn’t match as a lot as the behavior, or the parent makes use of the consequence as a way to disgrace the child.

If you want to know how to make use of penalties successfully whereas parenting tweens, pure and logical penalties are the way to go.

Natural consequences are these that happen inevitably as a outcomes of a child’s behaviors or actions (i.e. if a child refuses to eat, she’ll really feel hungry).
Logical consequences are designed to assist children replace poor behaviors with extra appropriate ones (i.e. if a child fails a test, she or he is required to spend extra time studying).

Natural penalties have a tendency to be extra effective, however since they don’t always happen as a outcomes of poor behaviors, logical penalties are an excellent positive parenting technique to make use of to keep away from energy struggles. If you’d like extra information on how to make use of logical penalties whereas parenting tweens, THIS POST has lots of nice tips and ideas.

One of the best issues you are able to do to prevent energy struggles with your tween is to supply them choices. This can require a little bit of thought, however when you get used to doing it, it’s a lot simpler to think in your feet. Instead of telling your child to do something, which gives them one thing to fight against, offer them 2 choices which each result in the identical outcome. For example, if you want your child to eat vegetables, ask, ‘would you want peas or carrots with your dinner?’ When a child is craving autonomy, they welcome the chance to make a choice rather than follow an order.

One of the toughest parts about parenting tweens is studying how to let go and permit them to do issues on their own. After years of doing everything for them, it could additionally be actually hard to sit again and permit them to make mistakes. But what we fail to realize is that when we empower our kids, we’re actually showing them that we belief them and worth them as a contributing a half of the family, which can actually strengthen our relationship with them. Assign your tween age-appropriate chores, encourage them to take risks, and permit them to make errors  and troubleshoot alongside the way.

As your child will get older, it can become harder to get them to open up and confide in you when one thing is bothering them, which can result in unexpected outbursts (and energy struggles). This is the age the place they begin valuing their privacy, closing their bed room door, and turning to their friends for advice, which can be difficult for parents. Try to not take this change personally, remind your self that it’s a positive signal your child is developing his or her independence, and discover different methods to attach with your child so that you can lend a listening ear. Enjoy meals collectively as a family, present an curiosity inside the issues that bring your child joy, discover methods to spend high quality time together, and simply LISTEN to what they’ve to say. When you are approachable and chorus from overreacting and providing your personal opinions, you increase the likelihood your tween will really feel comfortable coming to you in times of need.

Language is one other important but often overlooked technique that may assist make parenting tweens a little easier. The use of ‘demand’ phrases such as now, need, must, can’t, won’t, etc. can backfire throughout the tween and teenage years they imply you are making non-negotiable calls for of your child. A a lot higher technique is to make requests utilizing the next language:

Do you mind…
Would it be okay with you if…
How do you really feel about…
What you are completed X, could you please Y…

I’m a big believer inside the significance of being constant and following through when it involves guidelines and consequences, however I’m quickly studying that avoiding energy struggles whereas parenting tweens requires flexibility and compromise. While it’s (mostly) realistic to expect our kids to do precisely what we’ve requested when we’ve requested them to do it when they’re younger, we have to acknowledge that tweens and teenagers have their very personal agendas. Instead of nagging them and engaging in an affect struggle, have a dialog instead. If you’ve requested your son to take out the rubbish and he’s refusing to get off his electronics, resist the urge to get upset and ask why he’s giving you a tough time. Maybe he’s playing a online game and has reached a level he’s by no means reached earlier than and simply wants one other 10-20 minutes to complete his game. Being versatile on this situation shows your son respect, and the rubbish nonetheless will get taken out inside a reasonable time.

Of course, there’ll be times when your child must be versatile and accommodate your needs. Instead of nagging and elevating your voice, clarify why. In the instance above, the urgency could additionally be because it’s rubbish day, you forgot to place the rubbish bins out, and you’re about to hop on an important work call. Offering this information to your child will present greater perception into the urgency behind your request, and also you might compromise that he take the rubbish out inside 10 minutes.

If you want to know how to keep away from energy struggles whereas parenting tweens, you actually do want to pick and select your battles. While there’ll certainly be times when you want to place your foot down and assert your authority, learn to let go of the smaller stuff that’s not worth arguing over.

The tween years are a time when kids begin to check their limits, worth their privacy, and lean on their friends more. You may discover your child spending extra time of their bed room with the door closed, however don’t mistake that to imply they no longer want to attach with you. While your time collectively may look different, it’s important that you proceed to discover methods to spend high quality time together. One-on-one time can be so easy as playing card games, going for a stroll round your neighborhood, cooking a meal, or watching your favourite TV present together. There are no time limits, and the one actual ‘rule’ you ought to have is that you give your child 100% of your self inside the time you spend together. Turn off all distractions – collectively with your phone – and actually live inside the second so your child feels important and has an alternative to open as a lot as you about something that could additionally be bothering him or her.

When your teen is acting out and also you really feel your blood pressure rising, take a deep breath, gain management of your emotions, and take stock of the place you are in that moment. Set a good instance by refusing to let your child’s behavior upset you, and remember that his or her actions aren’t a mirrored image on you as a parent, however rather a regular a half of the tween years. Knowing this can assist you to pull back, regain your composure, and be proactive rather than reactive.

While the preteen years can be complicated and difficult for parents and kids alike, I hope the tips and ideas on this post assist make parenting tweens a little easier.

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