Perfectionism doesn’t make you really feel perfect; it makes you really feel inadequate – Maria Shriver.
While having extreme requirements can motivate you to attain your peak level of efficiency (ask any Olympic athlete), there’s a caveat – it may be a symptom of a greater problem. Perfectionists set impossible requirements and become obsessive about achieving one flawless efficiency after another. Instead of internalizing the parable that everything ought to be perfect, let’s learn how to cease being a perfectionist and worth our self-worth.
What Is a Perfectionist?
While many know perfection is an impossible goal, these that battle with perfectionism struggle to launch the perception they are often perfect. Perfectionists (a personality trait with behavioral tendencies) place extreme pressure to perform, have strict expectations, and inflexible thinking about how to obtain their often unrealistic or non-negotiable goals. When they fail to maintain their standard of perfection, they often really feel worthless, and ashamed. Having a narrow definition of success, their abilities, and the world round them units them up for a vicious cycle of by no means living as much as their perceived potential.
16 Signs You’re a Perfectionist
Many perfectionists often view their tendencies to obtain as beneficial, rather than realizing they’re in a race they’ll by no means win. Increasing your consciousness about the indicators of perfectionism will assist you overcome your expectations to embrace the positive aspects of who you are.
Common indicators include:
- Difficulty making decisions
- Seeking reassurance
- All or nothing thinking
- Fixating on mistakes
- Unrealistic standards
- Failure to delegate
- Struggle to full projects or tasks
- Obsessive consideration to detail
- Hyper-focused on results
- Low self-esteem
- Self-confidence relies upon on accomplishments or others perception
4 Dangers of Being a Perfectionist
In an achievement-fueled society that praises perfectionism as a reward and criticizes perfectionists for having ‘type-A’ tendencies, studying about its pitfalls will assist you overcome perfectionism with out feeling such as you can’t conform to the double standard.
1. Perfectionism coexists with different psychological disorders
The obligatory desire to strive for unrealistic expectations results in co-existing psychological disorders, together with depression, anxiety, self-harm, hoarding, obsessive-compulsive disorder, consuming disorders, post-traumatic disorder, burn-out, and even suicide.
2. The perfection of consumption
Perfection triggers our human desire to consume and tricks us into believing happiness is a byproduct of extra money, success, and power. The obsession of wanting all of it can be soul-crushing when you learn that striving for perfection doesn’t leave you satisfied or happy.
3. Toxic thought patterns
Perfectionism at its worst can create distorted thought patterns that result in barriers that prevent you from taking risks, trusting yourself, procrastinating, losing opportunities, avoiding challenges, and restricting creativity.
4. Interpersonal relationships
The desire to be perfect additionally negatively impacts relationships, marriages, and friendships. Perfectionistic traits often dominate a desire to develop wholesome communication patterns, disclose insecurities, and discover mutual ground, resulting in conflict.
How to Stop Being a Perfectionist: 10 Tips
1. Stop comparing
Perfectionists often battle with emotions of inadequacy and are extra prone to social comparability – scrutinizing what others are doing and believing they’re behind. Instead of comparing, problem your negative self-judgments by developing your purpose and cultivating a way of meaning. When you view your life from a big image perspective, you’re able to foster a self-compassionate outlook.
2. Reframe the way you set standards
Perfectionism triggers statements such as, ‘Nothing I do is acceptable’, ‘I can’t ever obtain my goals’, and ‘I hate myself for making mistakes’. Reframe your ideas to ‘I haven’t accomplished my goals yet’, ‘I could make errors and nonetheless succeed’, and ‘I am working towards my goals’’. Repeating encouraging statements improves the way you take into consideration your self and your efficiency with out overwhelming your self with achieving the impossible.
3. Practice acceptance
Building consciousness of your perfectionistic tendencies and accepting them with out judgment helps you separate from them. Instead of denying what’s happening, which solely feeds self-criticism, acceptance helps you face your fears, and deal with them in positive ways. It additionally fosters self-compassion, and forgiveness which disempowers perfectionism – triple win!
4. Identify your strengths
If you battle with perfectionistic tendencies, you probably spend a lot of time focusing in your setbacks and limitations. But the place are your strengths? What do you do well in life, particularly at work and inside your relationships? Identifying your strengths builds confidence and will increase resilience. They additionally level to your true nature, which means they don’t rely on success.
5. Evaluate your perfectionism
Are perfectionistic traits derailing your progress or serving to you succeed? Reflect on how your perfectionism has helped you in life. After sitting with it, you might see that it will increase your stress, prevents you from taking risks, hurts your relationships, and worsens your self-criticism – all negative outcomes that our inner critic often hides.
6. Your ideas aren’t reliable
When negative self-talk is loud, it may be difficult to ignore. But your thoughts, no matter how strong or relentless they seem, aren’t a dependable portrayal of your reality. Recognize that your beliefs about your shortcomings, and your performance, are merely ideas and don’t decide your future.
7. Detach out of your inner critic
Gaining management over your inner critic is key to breaking the energy perfectionism has over you. When you discover your negative thoughts, take a deep breath, acknowledge the lies your critic is ruminating, and repeat, ‘The thought I’m having is not true’. Practicing consciousness of your thought patterns will assist you replace self-criticism with self-compassion and gradually learn how to cease being a perfectionist.
8. Mindfulness over mindlessness
Striving for perfection breeds senseless behaviors that keep you obsessing about the future rather than having fun with the current moment. Shift your consideration to the world round you and use your senses to observe sights, sounds, scents, and textures. It will prevent you from overidentifying with self-judgment and self-criticism when you practice being and by no means becoming.
9. Embrace failure
While failure is key to private development, take small steps towards making mistakes. For instance, try practicing a brand new skill like baking a cake. Distract your self with mindfulness till the result, and reward your self for taking on a brand new challenge. Often your perceived worst-case scenarios don’t happen, and also you might have extra confidence to try one thing extra challenging.
10. It’s okay to obtain support
Overcoming perfectionism is a gradual process, and can be difficult to deal with in your own. Developing a support system, or seeking assist from a therapist can assist you goal your thoughts, beliefs, the restrictions you’ve positioned on yourself, and teach you how to cease being a perfectionist.
Healing from perfectionism doesn’t imply you have to settle, or give up your ambition. It instead teaches you that you can obtain your goals with out being perfect, and with out the accompanying self-criticism. Take it one step at a time, and remind your self of the issues in your life that bring you joy!
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