Attachment styles are greater than a buzzword in psychology. In fact, yours could reveal a lot about the way you work together in your day-to-day relationships. For example, if you have an avoidant attachment, you may actively keep away from emotional closeness, struggle to ask for help, and withdraw out of your partner. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Here’s how one can perceive and actually heal points in your relationship with a few methods for avoidant attachment.
What Are the Symptoms of Avoidant Attachment?
A child with avoidant attachment can proceed to current indicators till adulthood. Some of the signs and indicators are;
- Discomfort with bodily touch
- Believing their companions are too clingy
- Suppresses emotions
- Fears rejection
- Strong sense of independence
- Overly focused on their wants in comparison with the wants of others
- Avoids emotional closeness in relationships
- Fears strong emotional bonds will result in extra pain
- Prefers to deal with difficult conditions in isolation
- Sulks or complains rather than asking for support
What Causes Avoidant Attachment?
Attachment theory is based on our interactions with our parents or caregivers. Therefore, the love and consideration we received or didn’t obtain as a child creates our attachment style. For example, with avoidant attachment, parents often become overwhelmed by the emotional wants of their children. They may even have an avoidant attachment, withdraw from their child’s needs, or are neglectful when their child is sad, scared, or sick. They additionally struggle to course of feelings and have unrealistic expectations of how their children ought to behave. As a result, they might disgrace a child for displaying emotion or become angry when their child is upset. The child learns to withdraw emotionally to guard themselves from rejection, pain, and punishment, even well into their adulthood. However, it’s possible to reverse this attachment style and learn to heal your emotional wounds.
7 Self Help Strategies for Avoidant Attachment
1. Retreat when you want to
Improving your emotional regulation involves taking space when you want to. Instead of staying in a heated argument, prioritize your self-care and retreat to collect your thoughts. For example, you could say, “I perceive it’s important to debate this topic, however I want time to clear my head. When I do, I’ll be in a greater mindset to resolve our argument”. When you’re calm, you’re extra likely to speak logically and work through points with empathy and compassion rather than anger.
2. Improve your communication
Someone with an avoidant-attachment style fears expressing strong emotions. They want breaks in communication to permit them to really feel much less overwhelmed by their feelings. Therefore, having the space to debate issues honestly will strengthen your relationships and assist co-regulate your feelings. For example, state your wants by utilizing “I feel” messages to assist your partner become extra conscious of your needs.
3. Strengthen your self-awareness
One of the best methods for avoidant attachment is strengthening your self-awareness. When you know extra about yourself, your particular attachment style, and your needs, it will be simpler to develop and make efficient change. Spend time reflecting internally about your current or previous relationships. What made you upset? What conditions caused you pain? As you reflect on these wounds, take a compassionate approach towards loving yourself. While all of us have emotional wounds we’re battling, it doesn’t make you much less worthy of love.
4. Understand your triggers
We all have triggers that trigger a painful reminiscence or expertise to resurface. But discovering what these triggers are can be a challenge. If you’re currently in a relationship, discover what makes you sad or irritable. You can do that by journaling and analyzing your current or previous relationship patterns. For example, you might write, “I get angry when my partner is too clingy“. This assertion helps you fortify a connection between your feelings and triggers, resulting in elevated self-awareness.
5. Define the root cause
Now that you know extra about your triggers, identify what they represent. What themes and patterns do they reveal? For example, you may discover you consistently become angry when your partner wants extra of your time. This theme might convey a protection mechanism that retains you feeling protected against possible rejection. Since you’re not accustomed to emotional closeness, it can trigger your nervous system to activate your fight-or-flight response. But becoming extra conscious of your emotional wounds and their root causes will assist you retrain your physique and thoughts to settle for new patterns.
6. Establish boundaries
When you learn to speak your needs, it additionally helps to set up and set boundaries inside your relationships. For example, if you don’t like how often your partner calls you, you could say, “I really feel overwhelmed by how a lot you name me. I want extra breaks all through the day so I can be extra current with you when we’re together”. This “I feed/I need” method relays your wants whereas establishing your boundaries and gives your partner a concise template to follow.
7. Build closeness
Building closeness with somebody doesn’t have to be with a partner. You can select a friend or therapist to assist you decrease your emotional walls. For example, all through your friendship, take note of the way you really feel when they discuss one thing difficult or emotional. How do you really feel as a result? Anxiety, fear, or anger? Connect these emotional states to your self and reflect in your thoughts. It will assist you construct extra consciousness whereas slowly connecting to a different person. When you really feel ready, begin sharing vulnerable particulars about yourself.
When to Seek Help
If you consistently struggle to maintain relationships and talk your feelings, it’s worth talking to a therapist. Therapy will assist you perceive what your triggers are and the way your childhood performed a role in adapting this attachment style. For example, you’ll analyze childhood memories to identify patterns that no longer serve you today. Through constant sessions, you’ll develop a brand new plan to rewire these patterns, enhance your emotional regulation, and obtain methods for avoidant attachment that will result in wholesome and conscious-loving relationships. Change is possible.
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